In Sweet Remembrance of Our Dear Son Barnabas

Happy 7th Birthday!

2010-12-28T00:15:00.001+08:00

It's been 7 years huh? I am missing you baby!

It's been 6 years....

2010-08-09T16:21:00.005+08:00

6 August 2004 was one of the saddest and darkest moments in our lives cos Barn was taken away overnight. But it was also the day when we felt the closest to God. He never fails to comfort those in pain. And I (Sharon) remembered telling myself to trust Him to see me thru' the ordeal. It was very tough cos we've been thru' so much with Barn in the hospital. The Lord spoke from 2 Samuel 12 while I was praying and I was immediately comforted and decided to have a feast after the cremation. It was a symbolic act on our side and we're able to move on from there. The days that followed after his death was the hardest for us as we kept the crib, packed away all his stuff.... tears flowed but God's promise still stands... He is the strength of our heart and we are thankful that we're not alone in this.

It's been 6 years since he went back to the Lord and Barn is still very much loved and missed by us. He brought so much joy and encouragements to us. He is the testimony of God's strength and unfailing love. "Baby, we miss you"!

2009-12-28T17:10:00.000+08:00

Happy 6th Birthday Barn!

MISSING MY LITTLE BOY!

2009-08-06T00:48:00.002+08:00

This was the song that reminded us to hang on and not give up when Barn was in the hospital.... really miss his smile!

FLOWERS FROM ADELYN

2009-01-07T00:24:00.004+08:00

We visited Barn's Niche with Adelyn on 29th of December 2008. Adelyn bought a really beautiful bouquet for him. Here are the pics....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BARNABAS!

2008-12-28T14:37:00.007+08:00

Dear Barn, this is your younger brother's fave cartoon character. I am sure he would love you to have a cake with Thomas on it if you're still around. Both of you might be fans of Thomas! Here's a poem for you...

TODAY IS YOUR BIRTHDAY

Today is your birthday
I think I'll make a cake
Mix and stir, stir and mix
Then into the oven to bake.

Here's the cake so nice and round,
I'll put icing on so white.
I'll put on all the candles
To make your birthday bright!

HAPPY 5th BIRTHDAY

MY DEAR BOY!

WE LOVE YOU.

BARNABAS' 4TH DEATH ANNIVERSARY

2008-08-06T15:29:00.001+08:00

Hi son, mama missing you greatly, here's a song for you.....

Tears in Heaven - Eric Clapton

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BARNABAS!

2007-12-28T23:40:00.002+08:00

Today is Barnabas' 4th birthday and also the last post of this blog. Memories of his birth flooded my mind the whole day. I was in SGH having my first surgery and giving birth to a premature baby. No one knows how painful it was for me when I couldn't even go near or hold him. I almost fainted seeing his little body.........he weighed only 690 gm. I had a very difficult time in the hospital and my changing hormones added on to the stress..............yup I had post natal blues for quite a while after his birth. I even thot of giving up on life. My dear little boy had to undergo a surgery at 4 days old.......... how could I not be worried!

Anyway, after months of stress and worries, Barn was finally discharged on 6 July 2003. Being first-time parents, we were quite lost especially when Barn had to take so much medicine. But our time with him was short. He passed away on 6 August 2003 due to some blood infection and intestinal problems. It was one of the saddest day of our lives. But God kept us strong throughout those times. He is the only one who can understand the pain of losing a son.

Even though we cannot see him now, we believe someday we will meet again in a place without pain, tears and sorrow. I wonder if he will recognise us!

Sorry, I don't mean to be so emotional but after watching this video of him smiling, I just couldn't help it.

I miss him sooooooooooo much..................... sob sob!

"Barnabas, mommy wished that I could hold you and showered you with lots of kisses now............ wonder what I would get you as a birthday gift..........hmm.................... maybe a Lego set? You don't how much I hope to hear you calling me "mama" just like your little brother! Would you be clinging on to me on your first day in school? What's your first word........"mama"??? But I know that you're safe with Jesus and having a great time with him. Happy Birthday Darling!"

SOMEWHERE DOWN THE ROAD (Amy Grant)

So much pain and no good reason why
You've cried until the tears run dry
And nothing else can make you understand
The one thing that you held so dear
Is slipping from your hand
And you say,
"Why, why, why
Does it go this way
Why, why, why"
And all I can say,

"Somewhere down the road
There'll be answers to the questions
Somewhere down the road
Tho' we cannot see it now
And somewhere down the road
You will find mighty arms reaching for you
And they will hold the answers at the end of the road".

Yesterday I thought Id seen it all
I thought I'd climbed the highest wall
Now I see the learning never ends
And all I know to do is keep on walking
Walking round the bend singing,
"Why, why, why
Does it go this way
Why, why, why"
And all I can say,

"Somewhere down the road
There'll be answers to the questions
Somewhere down the road
Tho' we cannot see it now
And somewhere down the road
You will find mighty arms reaching for you
And they will hold the answers at the end of the road

LEARNING TO DRINK FROM A BOTTLE

2007-11-21T16:06:00.001+08:00

These pics were taken when Barn was feeling better and was able to breathe with the aid of an oxygen hood. He was fed via tube since birth so as a result, suffered from oral sensitivity. A Speech Therapist taught us how to massge his mouth and fed him using a milk bottle.

It's wasn't easy for us as every feeding time took about 45 mins to an hour. Plus the massage made him cried so much. We needed a lot of patience.......phew!

Nevertheless, this was one phase that we'll never forget. Looking at him sucking on the bottle somehow brought hope in our hearts. We thot it was God 's way of letting us rest from all the worries and pain at that time.

A VIDEO OF BARN OPENING HIS EYES

2007-09-02T23:10:00.000+08:00

This was one of those rare moments during his early days in the incubator. He seems to be sleeping most of the time......... gosh....I (Sharon) miss him so much after seeing this video.

A VIDEO OF SHARON TOUCHING BARN IN THE INCUBATOR

2007-09-02T22:47:00.000+08:00

BARNABAS AT 3 MONTHS' OLD

2007-08-12T13:26:00.001+08:00

This is Barn at 3 months' old. He had put on weight and no longer intubated (tube thru' nose for breathing) and incubated. It was also the first time we get to carry him. I (Sharon) was so nervous when the nurse passed him to me........... so scare that I would drop or frightened him! Tommy was more steady. But it was the most unforgettable time that I had ever had............ the deep longing of holding my precious boy.......... never had a chance at all since he was born............ I always looked on with envy and sometimes tears when I saw other moms carrying their babies......... I kept wondering when's my turn............. so it was a red letter day for me when I can finally hold him in my arms! Tommy was elated too! I think he looks a lot like Tommy....don't you agree?

Story of Barnabas- From Father's Account

2007-08-08T09:53:00.000+08:00

It was one of the usual weekday when I brought Sum to see her gynea located at Lor Ah Soo.
The usual screening and those smiles on our face broke away when we saw the troubled expression on the gynea's face...
Sum was recommended immediately to be admitted to Mt. Alvernia Hopsital. Her Bp has kind of subsided and was discharged after her 3 days stay. During her stay there, I've to juggle in between my work & visiting her.
The bill came up to thousand plus during that stay. Thank God for medi-save and it's benefits...
Neither do we know that she had to be re-admitted again after few days later.... That re-admission begins the start the my adventure coaster ride that I will be sharing on this blog over the next couple of months till dec 07. Stay tune...
But my prayer is that my way of sharing will strengthened your walk and your faith in a God who is onmipotent,onmipresence and onmisence.

Blessings to you!

A Final Letter Written on Behalf of Barn to Prayer Warriors- From the father's account.

2007-08-07T16:10:00.000+08:00

Dear all,

We would like to thank you for your months of support and prayers for Barnabas. Without your faithful support, we really do not know how we could handle all these walks. Thank you for always being there for us and assuring us that there is really a place we can fall back to.

Though we saddened by his departure but we know that there is an divine appointment with him when we are in heaven.

As we looked back this journey, we only can thank and praise God as the bible says: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who ahve been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28. We don't question God as why had He taken Barnabas back to him BUT we choice to believe and know that what God had done is good and beneficial to him and us (as his parents) because we love God.

I thank God for making to pass what I had pray for earlier on "Hi all, prayer for my son. Hi Barnabas, daddy’s prayer for you is that you will continue to be strong. Mummy and Daddy will be with you and will walk alongside with you. God will be the source of our strength and all the aunties and uncles want to see you as an overcomer cos they all love you too. So you get well soon cos we want to show you our home." - Taken from Barnabas' web-site. We are thankful that we are able to bring him home with us for almost 1 month (8/7/04-6/08/04). We thank God that we were even able to walk with him and alongside him during the cortege. We were thankful that all uncles and aunties had saw him as an overcomer in life.

Barnabas had really stretched us, conditioned us, trained us as his parents, we never know that we can be that stretcheable. And there are some valueable truths to draw out from these months of his campiagn.

#1 We learnt that as much as we had love, lavished everything that we had on him, be with him thus we pay the PRICE. God also loves each of us (including you) dearly to him. He loves us, He lavished His best gift to us - His Son, Jesus.- His price

#2 We've learnt how to give PRAISE and thanks to God during our toughest moments in our lives. It is much more easy to curse and swear, much much more easy to complain at the "reception's table" BUT we CHOOSE to give God our sacrifice of praise. It is not easy but we choose it. It is not easy but we PURPOSEFULLY want to do it. We know that when we choose to do the right thing, it will really pleases God.

#3 We've learnt to PERSEVERE. Barnabas taught us to perserver. This child fought each downturn with zeal, passion and courage. He turn Docs' doubts to hope, he change our routine prayers to relational prayers. Barnabas turn each hopeless ends to endless hope thru' your prayers.

If we could feel what Barnabas wants to say to you, we believe it will be:
Dear Uncles and Aunties, thank you for showing me what God's love is although I do not know you. But I can feel it and experienced it. Though you only know me thru' daddy's emails but I know that each one of you do really loves me as your very own because Jesus is in each of you. Your love and support for mummy and daddy had already make me feel so love! Till then, I will have a divine appointment with you, in heaven.

Uncle Gordon, you look really cute with your hairstyle. You look like a warm friendly bear to me. Thank you for loving mummy and daddy. Thanks for praying for me.

Uncle Benny, you really look like daddy, but daddy looks handsomer than you. Thank you for imparting so much to mum and dad. Thanks for praying for me too.

Uncle Willie , I finally get to see daddy lookalike but a older version. Daddy told me that you are a very handy and a resourceful man. Yes indeed! You are!

Aunty Cindy, you are so passionate and positive. You kept telling mummy and daddy to look above the physical realm and look to God, I hear it loud and clear when sleeping in the cot...Just pretending to be sleeping only....

Uncle William n Aunty Sharon, thanks for always being there for daddy and mummy. Thanks for investing your life in my dad and protecting him.

Aunty Gerry, thanks for helping me to raise fund for my medical fee. I knew mum and dad had said lots of thank yous to you but when you cuddle me in your arms that sunday, you cried... I can really feel your love for me and remember I frowned at you? Yes, I was telling you don't worry. I thank you for the song you had written for me, I've heard it on Sunday when you sung to mum and dad. It's so nice and
catchy and Barn likes it! I pray that God will bless your womb with abundance.

Till then, we will definitely meet again!
Barnabas Tan Yong En

Jesus Loves Us – You And Me
2 August 2004 – Jesus Loves BarnabasWritten By: Aunty Geraldine)

When it’s time to sleep:
Close your big eyes and count to three (one, two, three)
Jesus loves us – you and me
Don’t open your eyes and you’ll still see
Jesus’ love for you and me
‘Cos Jesus is our Saviour
The most beautiful Lord of all
His love is like the sunshine
Strong and yellow and bright
Close your eyes and count to three (one, two, three)
Feel His love, so deep within (Mm, mm, mm)
Don’t open your eyes, don’t peep at me
Rest your eyes and go to sleep
Lay with Jesus, at His feet
Go on now and dream sweet dreams
He loves you and He loves me.

To our beloved son:
Hi Barn,
Your stay in KK had taught daddy what life is all about. Your zeal to live. Your passion to survive. Your courage to fight. What a champion! Till then, we do have a divine appointment.... in heaven.
"Let the peace of God come reign in my heart, Let the peace of God come reign in my heart, I will not fret nor will I be anxious. Let the peace of God come reign in my heart"
Loving you since day one,
Ni Lau Pay (Your father) 6/8/04

My Ever Dearest Son,
Well, tho' we did not say goodbye but I know that's becos it is not a goodbye yet, we'll definitely meet in heaven. By then, we will be in a place without tears and pain. Heaven is a place of rejoicing and you get to be there first. Just want to say, that the 3 weeks were great and I am privileged to be your mum.
See you,
Your bestest mummy 6/8/04

Thanks for Sharing our journey with us

We know that come what may... we will still run
TomSum

As I recall typing this mail 3 years back, I wept while typing out this mail. Was totally lost for a moment because Barn was the one who hold me or maybe our daily affair for that past months in the hospital and at home. Now everything comes to a standstill. Lostness was the word to use.... But then, never did we knew that God has instored great & big things for us...
Will blog again.

An account from a Father's perspective

2007-08-07T15:47:00.000+08:00

Hi Everyone,
I've decided to post from the end then back to beginning... Then slowly letting my storey begin...unfolding till Dec 28th just like what Sharon had mentioned earlier in her post in Barn's blog.

But first allow me to comment on this blog...
Dear, your creativity never fails to amaze me and your determination and focusness to do something can be seen in your studies and in this blog.(look @ your results! Distintions & As!)

Ok, this morning I sent an sms to Barn's nurses and doctors in KK Hospital. Here it goes...

Dear Friends,
It've been 3 years since Barnabas (Barney){that how they called him in KK Hospital} past away. We want to thank you for the love, care and affection in taking care of Barney. We thank you for the friendship being established. Thank you for making a difference in the health care arena. Thanks for showing God's love in a tangeble way. Tommy&Sharon.

Dr Khoo's reply...
And thank you!It's because of babies like Barney and parents like you both make it all worthwhile. My best wishes to you and your family. Poh Choo

The storey unfolds from here...(imagine with me as the pages of this book turns..)

2 VIDEOS OF BARNABAS IN HIS INCUBATOR

2007-08-06T00:53:00.000+08:00

MY BEGINNINGS - KKH

2007-08-05T17:38:00.001+08:00

These pictures were taken after Barnabas' surgery when he was 4 days old. We were worried sick each time we hear the machines beep............... I had to continue to take my Bp medicine just to help me to relax! I wasn't used to seeing such a small baby with so many tubes and needles going in and out of him. I remembered crying for 3 days after I saw how the doctors put in the drip via his arms, legs & head!!!!!!!!! Those who knows me well will know that I get real scare whenever I see a needle............ I need to apply Emlar to numb the site before a needle can even go near me! Poor Barn...... got to suffer so much.......sad! But we were also very thankful that the surgery was a success even though the doctors told us that it was 90% mortality rate............. he only had 10% rate of survival.................... you should see how worried Tommy was! I wasn't even awared of the surgery. Everyone was worried that I might breakdown at the news of his surgery. Barnabas needed 2 surgeries - one to bring up the intestines and the other to closed it when he was older............. Must be very painful for him then!

BARNABAS' STORY - By Sharon

2007-08-05T16:22:00.000+08:00

I found out I was pregnant again in June 2003 after a miscarrriage in April 2003. I was very excited and surprised at the news of another baby. We were looking forward to his arrival.

My pregnancy wasn't as smooth as I wish. Though I did not experience any bad nausea, I had some bleeding which required me to have bed rest for 3 anxious months. The bleeding stops towars the end of my first trimester. I was feeling great and was even glowing from my pregnancy. I thought my second trimester would be easier.

Just when I thought that I could start enjoying my pregnancy, my gynea discovered that my blood pressure had gone sky high! I had to be hospitalised immediately for observation. Those 3 days spent in Mount Alvernia were very one of the most scary moments in my life as I was afraid that something bad might happen to the baby. After I was discharged, I had to rest in bed all the time. Poor Tommy, got to juggle between work and taking care of me.

I went for another check up the folowing week and this time, my blood pressure was getting higher and my gynea felt that the baby's life might be in danger. We were advised to go to a government hospital as the bill for premature babies was high. I was only in my 28th week then, which means the baby will be born 3 months earlier! I was warded into Singapore General Hospital.

After the docs at SGH had checked on my condition, they told us that I will need to have the baby the next day via c-section as his heart rate was dropping and my amniotic fluid was rather low. Baby was in fetal distress! I was feeling very helpless at that time cos it was my first time having a baby and as well as being cut up. S0 on 28 December 2003 at 8.58am, Barnabas was born at 28 weeks, weighing only 690gms - the size of a mineral water bottle. He was placed in an incubator with lots of tubes and machines surrounding him.

During his stay in SGH, Barnabas had been diagnosed with perforated intestinal problems due to his prematurity and had to undergo a surgery at KKH when he was 4 days old.

The rest of the story will unfold as you continue to read his postings here....................

IN SWEET REMEMBRANCE OF OUR DEAR SON BARNABAS

2007-08-05T15:32:00.001+08:00

Hi Friends & Family Members,

This blog is created for our Darling Barnabas. It is a gift from us on his 3rd year "Back In Jesus' Arms" Anniversary. We just want to share that unforgettable and precious part of our lives with all of you. Even though he has passed away 3 years ago, he is still very much in our hearts. You must be wondering why we chose a Christmas skin for him.....that's becos he was born on 28th December............. near to Jesus' birthday................. he was a Christmas gift to us!

As you look through this blog, we pray that you will be blessed by what you see and read. May Barnabas's life story brings you courage and strength. And most of all, remind you that God is never far away. He promised to be with us and in us!

We will not post the entire story in one day but will slowly take you thru' this journey with us till his birthday on 28th December. Do leave your "love messages" in the tagbox for him. So join us as we turn back time and look back at those good times we have with Barnabas.

With lots of Luv, Hugs & Blessings,
TomSumBasJo